Most days I’m pretty tough, or at least I do a great job of acting like I am. But, I’ll admit it, there are those moments when I fall apart and have a pity party for myself. I’ll wish my world didn’t include obsessing every waking minute over what my little Bridger, who has autism, needs or doesn’t need and how I’m going to make it happen. I’ll wish my 5 year old doesn’t ever say “No! You do it.” when I ask him to do something and I’ll wish that my husband could have his dream job with his dream pay. I’ll wish that my world included all things happy and simple (just little things like that, no big deal right?). Then God will throw me a sign, a “tender mercy” that helps me pull it all together and move forward again:

A couple weeks ago on a Wednesday my husband said “D got me two tickets to Ben Harper”. In spite of the concert being free and at my favorite venue, Red Butte Gardens, it was still the very next day. I really didn’t want to go. I was emotionally exhausted from life and finding a babysitter isn’t easy given our circumstances, especially with a day’s notice. I wanted to tell my husband to just find someone else to go with him but a few months ago I had this realization that when my kids really want to do something I bend over backwards to make it happen, not so much with my husband. I’ve tried to change that as of late, so I said “Ok. Let’s go!”. I cleared the calendar and got a babysitter (Thanks so much Kristi!) and raced around like a chicken with my head cut off on Thursday evening to get us ready to go and get the boys settled in. Drank my 5 hour energy. Then off to Salt Lake we went!

Thanks to VIP parking and VIP seats we got into Red Butte and had time to sit and eat the dinner we brought before the show started. As Ben Harper made his appearance and sang the first few songs, I was feeling relaxed and happy. I was even feeling glad that I had come. Then he started singing a song that I was unfamiliar with and my whole world stopped for a few minutes as the words rang out into the mountains and into my soul “I was born to love you, born to love you. Some made for days, some made for nights, some to stand up for what’s right, no matter how hard the fight I was born to love you.”

As I fought back the tears, I could feel Chris next to me and I knew nothing else mattered. I thought about Celeste and Sydney and how they burst into my life in an unconventional way. I thought about Noah and his strong, sweet presence. And of course my mind lingered on my Bridger for awhile. Right then I was gently, yet powerfully, reminded that none of the stressful, details matter. I am here to love them. That is all. As I sat there I drank in the mountain air, the music and the words “I love you. I live you. I love to live you. I live to love you. I was born to love you.” and all was right in my world…I felt strong and full and ready to conquer it all…at least for a few minutes…

“Some come in with a burden heavy hearted and hurting , who’s unworthy who’s deserving  But I was born to love you.”–Ben Harper (with his mom Ellen Harper)