The Poop Story

By |January 8th, 2012|Autism, Life, Parenting|0 Comments|

I usually try to avoid writing stories about poop because quite frankly, with Bridger’s autism, there are way too many and they wipe me out every time. However, this is a story that’s too funny to pass up and it’s starring NOAH this time!

I thought that maybe since potty training will probably take years with Bridger, that God would have mercy on me and make potty training a cinch with Noah. Nope. No such luck! Lol. So over Christmas Break Chris and I double teamed him and tried to make some “big potty” progress. We got him to the point that he would actually put on the underpants and even sit on the potty without crying, but he still has not gone pee or poop on the potty! He waits forever and then shortly after he gets off the potty he has an accident.We have tried every trick in the book. Anyway, a couple days after Christmas I put a pull up on him after a potty session. We were trying the “no more diapers” tactic. Chris and the girls had gone to a movie so I thought I’d venture out with the boys. I knew it was risky but it sounded better than staying cooped up in the house.

Our agenda was to go to the bank (drive through only!), then go spend my Target Gift Card then McDonalds (Drive through only!) and home. Easy right?!? Since the boys would be strapped in, watching movies most of the time it should go smoothly. We finished up at the bank and headed to Target. After carefully selecting a parking spot next to a cart that had seating in the front for both boys, I got them out. I smelled poop right away and suspected Bridger. Ugh. Crap! Literally. Since I knew that I wanted to get new bed pillows I figured that I could just move quickly and grab them then head out.We would be home in no time and I could change him there which is by far the easiest solution.

I started quickly through the PACKED store. I got a whiff of poo smell every once in awhile but no big deal. Noah was demanding to look at the toys so I did a quick spin through the toy aisle, only that’s never really quick. The whole while I’m trying to talk them both down. “We’ll look at the toys longer next time Noah” and “It’s ok Bridger we’re almost done”. Bridger was whimpering and crying a bit, I was thinking it was because he needed a bum change.

I gathered up the pillows that I wanted as fast as I could,of course, not fast enough for my ancy boys, and made a beeline for the registers. I was smelling the poo more now. We paid as I cheered on the boys to make it to the finish line. I was feeling awesome as we walked out of the store towards the car. We did it! Then I saw it….

There was something on Noah’s pant leg. It could only be one of two things, mud or poop! I looked around at the parking lot and quickly came to the realization that it wasn’t mud. Oh no!!! We got to the van and I was panicking. I stood Noah up and there was poop EVERYWHERE! All up his back, on his shirt and pants, on the basket. As I was moving as fast as I could to solve this problem Bridger put his hand in the poop to check it out. Yikes! Now I had poop on him too! Ugh. Thankfully I had a full container of baby wipes in the car. I grabbed them, cleaned up Bridger and threw him in the car and strapped him in while I was demanding Noah “Stand there and don’t move!” Luckily, we were pretty far out in the parking lot so not too many passersby. I had no choice, I stripped Noah down naked and cleaned off all the poop. Mind you, it was winter and cold! He began to cry so I began to sing “poop everywhere, poop everywhere, no big deal, poop everywhere.” Good thing I’m good with impromptu songs! Ha! I’m sure we were quite the site.

I got a diaper out of the van (that was the end of pull ups for us) and put it on him. Got him in his carseat and put a blanket on him.With the movie started we were on our way. I stopped at the garbage to discard the main stink but it was still pretty smelly, even with the poopy clothes in the very back of the van. We ran through the McDonalds drive through and I’m pretty sure the drive through girl smelled something seeping from our car that she will never forget. Heehee.

We finally arrived home and I carefully and methodically got each child out of the car, got them fully sanitized and up to the table to enjoy their chicken nuggets and fries. Phew! I need a nap just thinking about this all over again!

“Let’s dance! To the diaper dance. Dance! To the diaper dance. You tape it to the left, you tape it to the right,  so they don’t fall down,  pull em up tight! Let’s dance! To the diaper dance. Dance! To the diaper dance. Shake it, make it, scoot it, toot it. Dance it! Prance it! Jump it bump it dump it! “–Signing Times